On Grieving

While in college I 'minored' in psychology. I have since been an avid reader in the field. One of the classic models for grieving has been the great work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She studied people facing a terminal illness and published the landmark book "On Death And Dying". Her 5 stages of grief are:
1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance

As I grieve the loss of my mother, I wonder if Ross's model best applies to those of us not grieving our own mortality - but the loss of a loved one. Recently I was looking at another work on the subject by Aurora Winter, whom writes from the perspective of losing her young husband at 33 years of age. Her stages of grief (w/ brief explanations) are:

1) Get support
You have to be willing to ask for support. Getting support is essential for rapid healing.

2) Express your feelings
Unexpressed feelings are like food poisoning. You need to get what is bothering you out of your system.

3) Accept what happened
When you stop fighting and resisting what is ... when you can accept what happened as if you had chosen it, your victim energy evaporates. When you don't feel like a victim, gratitude is what remains.

4) Forgive everyone everything, including yourself
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for other person to die. When you forgive, you are freed from the past and empowered to live a joyful life in the present and create a meaningful, joyful the future.

5) Help others
The final stage of grief is when you lend a helping hand to support others. That's when you know that you have healed.

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Though I do not know about Mrs. Winter's research or academics, I think there is some good old-fashined wisdom in her words. Maybe this post will help someone. If so join me ... its time to begin healing.